ASSIMILATE, v. To yield the better of oneself to the worse in others.
CEMENT
CEMENT, n. A powdered, kiln-fired mixture of alumina, silica, lime, iron oxide, and magnesium oxide which, when properly hydrated and allowed to set, approximates the impenetrability of the human head.
MÉNAGE À TROIS
MÉNAGE À TROIS, n. A domestic and/or sexual relationship consisting of two people too many.
WHEEL
WHEEL, n. A circular device, attached at its center to an axle, critical in applications pertaining to the automobile— a conveyance by which man may be transported great distances away, and hopefully stay there.
A cyclist riding to Dover
Decided to ride through the clover.
When the frame quickly rent,
Was the man forward sent,
Where both of his wheels ran him over.
Dunlop Coker Firestone,
third earl of White-Sidewall
ZYMURGY
ZYMURGY, n. The chemistry of fermentation, especially as it applies to the brewing of beer. The eighth art, without which the other seven would be intolerable.
TAXES
TAXES, n. A certainty even the dead can’t evade.
The sun it sets and also rises,
The moon it wanes and waxes.
Yet congress stays the same throughout
And taxes, taxes, taxes.
Esther Pandowdy
STUPIDITY
STUPIDITY, n. A morbidity of intellect. Labeled Mens inanis and defined as “a sclerosis of the wits” by the eminent Dr. Nazarene Foretop (Ladies Home Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 38, no. 4 (May 1972)). This disorder, though pandemic in scope, remains unclassified and without nomenclature due to the vast and heterogeneous nature of its outward symptoms, which are often benign to the infected, but malignant and possibly fatal to those vicinal.
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
Friedrich von Schiller
ALONE
ALONE, adj. A state or condition of having no one nearby to criticize.
Death, he came in quietly—
No raven hood, no inky cloak,
No tarnished metal scythe,
But dressed as simple folk
(cordial features, hat in hand).
Go on! I shouted. Do your worst!
No sin will I atone!
So out he went as quietly
And left me there—alone.
Edith Grove
CONVENTION
CONVENTION, n. When political and national in dimension, a gathering which in three days collectively emits more methane than does the entirety of domestic livestock in a year.