TURD, n. A byproduct of corporeal digestion; the most foul of which are now passed by legislative bodies.
STICK
STICK, n. An antiquated, English, outhouse tool consisting of a small, elongated scrape with a handle. Used to clean the hinder parts after defecation.
In privies having more than one depository, there was often cut in the wall a hole through which the stick could be passed—the possessor naturally using most of the handle to do so, leaving the recipient to grasp “the short end.”
Since that time, civilization has made great progress. The increase has elevated the standard of living in the developed nations, most notably the United States where, during each election cycle, the population is commonly presented with a choice between two short ends.
AFTERLIFE
AFTERLIFE, n. Death.
INDOLENCE
INDOLENCE, n. An enthusiasm for stasis.
INCARCERATED
INCARCERATED, adj. Between jobs.
DEPILATORY
DEPILATORY, n. Along with toilet paper and currency, one of the few evidences distinguishing the general behavior of humans from that of apes.
BUSYBODY
BUSYBODY, n. The wind that powers the vane that drives the shaft that rotates the gears that spins the stone that mills the rumors.
IMPURE
IMPURE, adj. Unclean. Sinful. How the Hindu sees the Buddhist, the Buddhist the Jew, the Jew the Muslim, the Muslim the Christian, and the Christian himself.
HUMBLE
HUMBLE, a. Simple, meek, ignoble. Said of some beginnings, and true of all ends.