BAR

BAR, n. A tabernacle built to the god Ebriety, where attendees may worship any or all in the pantheon of fermented or distilled spirits, repent the commission of past sins, and supplicate for the opportunity of future ones.

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THANKSGIVING DAY

THANKSGIVING DAY, n. An annual holiday for family and friends to gather and give thanks that it happens only annually. As herald of the Advent of Christmas Commercial, it is observed most devoutly by fire departments, EMTs, and emergency room staff ministering on double time over the customary rituals of Burnt Forgottens and Stigmata Hot Oil as well as the rites of the Sacred Heart Attack.

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TODAY

TODAY, n.  A midpoint on the timeline between Past and Future where resourceful men and women exercise their higher nature by putting off until tomorrow what they should have done yesterday.

 

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