PURE, n. A solution, made from dog’s turds, once used in the tanning of hides.
Strolling down the lane were the tanner and the priest,
Discussing things profane amid the day’s surcease.
They touched on topics far. They touched on topics broad.
Yet the tanner, when he spoke, felt something of a fraud.
For deep inside a secret burned, wild, hotter by the hour,
Until its wool-dyed keeper could not fain resist its power.
So when down the topic came to the tanner and his life,
He said, “I must confess, I love another’s wife.
Well, not another’s wife, but another’s wife’s clothes;
Her capri pants and camisoles, short skirts and panty hose.”
Heavily, the tanner strode, stodged by the slough Despond,
Until at last, in testament, he heard the priest respond,
“Bespoken orthodoxy by our Universal Tailor
Condemns as concupiscent your dressing like Liz Taylor.
By the vows of my vocation, I cannot share your taste,
And so I wear a “flower girl” and ribbon at the waist.
By dressing as an innocent, I thereby can assure
My swift ascent to heaven when my soul’s completely pure.”
Relieved, the tanner brightened, his anxiety dispelled.
“I see,” he said and touched his nose, “I thought that’s what I
smelled.”
Maximilian Edsel, S.J.